The Kingdom of Thailand 3

After 30+ hours of rain, morning broke with a bright blueness today. Paradoxically, my own mind was clouded by a hormonal shade of grey for which the sky’s suggestion was no match. I know enough about this clockwork-perfect infection of my spirit to watch for it, recognize it, and give all thoughts that spring from it no undue attention, and still… the day has been a struggle. It is very much like being on a prairie and watching a storm advance from the horizon, pour down on you and then make its way toward the opposite horizon. There is little to be done but let yourself get wet, knowing “this too shall pass”.
Perhaps I am weary, 2 & 1/2 months into this “adventure” - it seems the choices I have made about this leg of the journey have not been the wisest, and are challenging me more than I’d anticipated; the choice to stay in a hotel “off the beaten track”, outside of an already small town, with no means of transport, and 3 words of Thai in my vocabulary (which is about how many words of English the locals have in their own, despite what Lonely Planet says!). There are only 2 other people staying in this hotel, I am alone, it is xmas eve, ETC ETC ETC BLAH BLAH BLAH… yawn…!
Whatever, I am struggling to stay positive, and do feel very grateful for the smiles and generosity of spirit of the locals as I trot through my namaste-nod-smile and either hello or thank you, depending on the situation! I make up sign language for things like “waterfall?”, you’ve already seen my drawing of the umbrella… it’s fun, sometimes. The people are warm, beautiful, as helpful as their understanding of my antics will allow, and I am enjoying the butterflies and birds. The little house shrines in every yard are a crazy variety of saturated colors - violets and chartreuses and mustard yellows and blues and fire-engine reds, embellished with gold accents, little plastic figurines (representative of the Royal Family, I think, not deities) and miniature ladders. Offerings left on the bases of these shrines usually seem to include a bottle or 2 of soda pop!!
Oh! the woman who runs the little restaurant adjacent to this hotel is an excellent cook and all-round great lady :)

What’s going on, in part, is that I don't feel entirely safe. I feel vulnerable as a woman traveling alone, in a way that I did not feel in Indonesia or New Zealand. Yesterday I felt downright nervous on the beach…for no good reason, tho’, as  far as i can tell. Could be that Lonely Planet’s warnings about Sri Lanka have prematurely gotten my guard up, I suppose - whatever the reason, it’s not entirely pleasant, nor conducive to doing a bunch of exploring on my own… which, of course, is exactly what I need to do in order not to go batshit crazy!!!
Anyway, I’m sure this is not very entertaining reading, but I’m trying to keep it real here - the good, the bad, the ugly…I’m also sure I am exposing some gross character defect or other by admitting these fears/ concerns/ perceived “stresses”… well, thanks for listening… if you still are!!! :))))