... kicked my ass!!!!!
The biggest challenge of my jungle retreat was not the silence, nor the early mornings nor discipline of meditation (tho' my practice there felt more survivalist than a deep edging toward Truth!)... it was not even the wilting combination of relentless heat and humidity (no air con, of course, but not even fans... : / )... no, what threatened my sanity, let alone serenity, was ...THE BUGS! Ah, the rich abundance and variety in all manner of creeping and crawling and flapping and flying and buzzing INSECTS - the near microscopic ants with the nasty bite who make standing still for any length of time (or, in this case, slow walking meditation) a very bad idea, the huge ants crawling all over everything everywhere, the swarms of termites with their clumsy drunken aerial stagger, dropping their wings everywhere and flocking compulsive toward any source of light (yeah, forget trying to read in bed, mosquito net or no - way too creepy), the massive brown-red wasps you do NOT want to get stung by, the spiders, the centipedes, the flies who just might fly, following a forkful of food, right into your mouth, and, let us not forget, the dengue-carrying mosquitoes... Yeah, I must admit to being Extremely Challenged by these creatures. I could mindfully work with the ever present tickle of sweat streaming down every surface of my body, but the bug thing had me absolutely crawling out of my skin and very psyched out. .... mindfulness of the body in this context was almost unbearable, and I often turned to raja yoga (study) as an escape from my body. And in the spirit of transparency I will also confess to being less than super excited about the poster in the entry to the main bale (hall), with its display, info, and warnings about the 9-odd varieties of snakes around, not to mention the warning at the trailheads to "STAY ALERT & walk with a heavy step so the snakes can feel your vibration and know you are coming" (wouldn't want to surprise a snake now, would we?)... All that said, the dragonflies (the crimson ones and the golden ochre-colored ones), the crazy loud frogs and cicadas, the swallows, and the beautiful bumblebee with the gorgeous blue wings were absolutely LOVELY!!! The gardens were incredibly impressive and inspiring, as was all the food that came from them - chef and chief gardener Simon is a genius and is completely on fire in his enthusiasm about food and farming - and I really enjoyed the different approaches to yoga and meditation instruction that were offered there. There were several informational talks while I was there, on food, farming, and Balinese culture and ceremony, a fire ceremony on the night of the new moon (more on that later), and I even found myself participating in an Om chanting circle...(I know, I know...but when in Rome...? Plus, it really IS a powerful sound, and the vibrations very effective when used craniosacrally to balance out the bones of the palate and skull!) Anyway, despite the desperate nature of my meditation practice while there, I actually experienced quite a significant-feeling shift/opening - a combination of my readings (Tenzin Palmo' "3 Teachings" and the Dalai Lama's "The Art of Happiness") and the fire ceremony, where we were invited to write down a few words or ideas about things we were ready to give up to the fire - "stories" we had told ourselves that were no longer useful in our lives, etc. I know it sounds New Age and hokey, but that particular day, having had certain ideas (that I've thought/read/heard probably a thousand times before) really hit me and resonate deeply, giving me a sense of long-sought clarity and insight, the ceremony was actually quite timely and meaningful. I don't know if I'm ready to share what the insights were just yet - I almost feel superstitious about it, like if I name them 'out loud', they will evaporate... maybe some other time. For now, suffice it to say that I had a powerful healing event... and yay to that!!!
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